Photo via UFC.com

Randy Couture walked over James Toney in the co-main event of UFC 118 to the surprise of absolutely no one. This was a freak show through and through. Fans knew it. Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg knew it. Couture and Toney knew it. Mario Yamasaki knew it. Dana White admitted to it. The Massachusetts athletic commission licensed it while knowing it. Even Paulo César da Silva questioned the matchmaking.

For some reason, Ben Fowlkes attributed some meaning to this bout. Or he didn’t. He’s all over the place in this piece dressing Toney down. What do I mean?

Let’s break it down:

Even if Toney had diligently worked on his ground game since signing a UFC contract, there’s simply no way, in the span of a few months, that a 42-year-old boxer is going to learn to wrestle like a guy whose cauliflower ear has cauliflower ear.

Then…

But boxers, and boxing in general, should by no means be judged by Toney’s sorry performance.

Then…

Forget defending the submission, I just want to know if Toney could even name the move that did him in.

Then…

Toney was a poor representative for his sport on Saturday.

Then he summarizes his muddled point…

Because what really sold this bout was the old school promise of seeing a top boxer against a top MMA fighter. Even after all these years, it’s a promise that holds some appeal for us. The way Toney fought, we still can’t say we’ve seen it in the UFC. But maybe thanks to his dismal showing, some day we will.

Let me see if I can recap. 1) James Toney put on an awful MMA performance. 2) Well, what could we expect him to learn after nine months of training? 3) Yeah, but James Toney sucked and embarrassed himself and boxing.

What exactly was Ben Fowlkes expecting? James Toney could have been in great shape, weighed in around 215, and the fight would have played out exactly as it did on Saturday night.

If you really want to point fingers, point them squarely at Dana White and Zuffa. Dana could have told James Toney to fuck off at UFC 108 and been done with it. He didn’t. Dana signed the fight, and we got the Dennis Green special last night. James Toney is who we thought he is.

And then there’s this:

Couture, who still looks like the ‘after’ photo for a workout supplement at age 47…

Must have been those short bike shorts.

Need a reason to drink?  No?  Well, you want to convince some bar skanks to get drunk enough to go home with you?  Yeah?  All right, then.  Find a bar playing UFC 102, find some beer loving heffers, and give them this list.  Hell, you can even start making up shit on your own after the first fight or two.

Take a drink…

…if Leben’s positive steroid test is mentioned.
…if Randy is described as “mauling” Nogueira.
…every time Couture’s described as a 5 time champion.
…every time Nogueira’s Pride/UFC title accomplishment is mentioned.
…if Joe says, “That’s a wrap!”
…if Maia’s BJJ is described as “being on another level.”
…every time Marquardt’s piledriver is shown.
…every utterance of “awkward” and “unorthodox.”
…every utterance of “impose his/your will.”

Finish your drink…

…if Joe calls Randy his hero.
…if Randy submits Nogueira.
…if Nogueira knocks out Randy.
…if Fedor gets his named dropped.

Justifiably historic?  Super Bowl of MMA, in Pride’s heyday?  GEORGE HOLMES?

By all standards, Couture is a relatively small heavyweight. He often steps into the cage weighing around 230 pounds, which is heavy for him — Couture competed in the 205-pound weight class for years.

Reading this sentence had me doing a double take.  It’s mind blowing for a professional journalist to write something hanging on the edge of coherency.  I went and checked McNeil’s writing background.  Surely, no self-respecting institution of higher learning handed out a degree to this chump.  Alas, according to this link, Franklin’s schooling looks like this:

Cleveland State University – Cleveland-Marshall College of Law
Law 1990 — 1992

City University of New York-Herbert H. Lehman College
1982 — 1985

Southern University and Agricultural and Mechanical College at Baton Rouge
English, Journalism 1978 — 1980

Note to self: do not send children to Southern University and Agricultural and Mechanical College at Baton Rouge’s journalism program.

Lesnar is a massive man. He walks around at 285 pounds on a good day. He weighed in for his fight with Couture at 265 pounds, the mandatory UFC limit, then began rehydrating by sitting down to a steak dinner.

It’s NSAC’s limit, not the UFC’s, but hey you’re just a journalist, right?

Anyone else wondering how you rehydrate with a steak?

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There was little question that on the night of Nov. 15, Lesnar would outweigh Couture by at least 50 pounds. That size differential played itself out as Lesnar stopped Couture in Round 2 to claim the UFC title in just his fourth MMA bout.

Not sure what fight Franklin was watching because the size really didn’t seem to be that big of an issue.  Unless you’re talking about the size of Lesnar hamhocks clubbing the side of Couture’s head.

Lesnar has become the prototype of this growing class of heavyweights. Its presence will only make it more difficult for the Coutures of the world to reach the top.

We need to set the age minimum at heavyweight at 40.  We can’t make it more difficult for the Coutures of the world to win the title.

A significant number of heavyweights currently tip the scales comfortably around 225 to 235 pounds. These are large men, but against Lesnar or even Shane Carwin, they’d find themselves at distinct size disadvantages.

Is this  true? Was it even true in November?  Brandon Vera had already moved down.  Minotauro Nogueira’s peak fighting weight is right around 240.  Are there any other relevant heavyweights that I’m missing?  It’s become clear that if you’re in that 225-235 range, it’s in your best interest to make the cut down to 205, unless your last name is Emelianenko.

“I don’t compare boxing with mixed martial arts, but certainly, the heavyweights in boxing have always been 200 [pounds] and you can weigh 400,” UFC vice president of Government and Regulatory Affairs Marc Ratner told ESPN.com. “At least here we have a stopping point at 265. So I don’t know if it will happen.

“These fighters are getting bigger, there is no question about it. But there’s very few guys who are going to fight less than 220 against a guy who weighs 265, that’s for sure. You will see a lot of guys in the 230s or 240s.”

Big ups to Franklin for inserting a contrarian viewpoint, but, um, if someone like Marc Ratner is telling you as nicely as possible that your idea is hogwash, wouldn’t you think twice about writing an article?  And then inserting a quote that completely debunks your premise?

It is likely that most fighters who step into the cage weighing between 220 and 230 pounds can’t cut to 205 pounds. They have two choices: compete at heavyweight or find another line of work.

Excellent straw man, McNeil.  1) I have my doubts that most guys who naturally weigh in at 230 physically cannot cut down to 205.  They just don’t want to.  2) If they don’t want to, they can put on more weight.

Fighters that small are capable of defeating a giant like Lesnar, but the odds would be long. In no other weight class are fighters required to overcome such odds. It doesn’t seem fair.

Jeez, there’s this guy named Tiger, right.  And, like, he wins these golf tournaments all the time.  Gosh, it just doesn’t seem fair.  Think of all the other guys who want to win.  *Sniff, sniff*

No one was calling for a cruiserweight division when Randy Couture fought Tim Sylvia.  Just because some athletic freak came along and fucked up your entire notion of what a prototypical heavyweight should look like doesn’t mean you need to be legislating additional weight classes.  The differences in size, strength, and speed add dynamics to a fight.  There’s no reason to fuck with that.