UFC 110 Horrendously Overdue Token Opinion Piece

Jamie Tysseling — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:18:23 +0000

"Next time, I'm writing my whole damn name in headbutts."

110’s in the books, and it was a blast. Great fights all around, not a single person left disappointed in my group, save for a few old-school Minotauro nuthuggers and a Cro Cop hater. BJJ marks got a fast-paced (albeit one-sided) ground war between bad nickname victims Joe “Daddy” Stevenson and George “Snuffalupagus” Sotiropolous, Ultimate Kickboxing fans got a vintage display of stupid overhand punches from Wanderlei Silva, and a pair of nasty knockouts (two and a half, if you count Wanderlei’s last second homicide attempt) punctuated the evening.

SHIT WE LEARNED

Michael Bisping getting punched in the face will never stop being entertaining. Ever. Let anybody listen to Bisping talk for three minutes. Then let them watch any of his losses. I don’t care what language they speak, I don’t care where they’re from, their eyes will light up like an 8-year-old getting an Optimus Prime toy for his birthday. The only reason he doesn’t get booed in England is nationalist pride. Give him a fight against Semtex or Hardy, and watch the crowd turn against him in seconds. I guarantee it.

Minotauro would take it straight up the pooper from BROCKLESNAR. Brock is a bigger, faster, stronger Cain. If Cain knocks him out that easily, Brock knocks him into another time zone. Thought Herring’s ass-over-elbows roll from Lesnar’s punch was bad? Wait until you see Nogueira folded over the cage wall like a wet towel. Speaking of which…

Oh shit, Cain Velasquez learned how to punch. A lot of top heavyweights probably just saw that fight and were left screaming FUUUUUUUUUUUCK, because suddenly Senor Pillowfist has realized that the Unified Rules are not for tae kwon do points sparring. Jokes aside, his technique has always seemed clean but to lack any snap to it, and watching him unload on Big Nog, I can’t help but be a touch concerned for whoever Cain fights next.

George Sotiropolous needs to adopt one of his internet-given nicknames. Can you imagine Bruce Buffer, swinging his arm around like a psychotic Kung Fu master with Parkinson’s, screaming, “GEORGE… GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-SPOT… SOOOOOOTIIIIIIROPOLOUS!” as he furiously climaxes from the awesome of his absurd introductions, ruining yet another brand-new suit with a Barrage of Buffer Baby Bullets? I certainly can. I’m kinda turned on by it.

HARLEY-DAVIDSON PRESENTS GOLDBERG-INDUCED RAGE, BROUGHT TO YOU BY BUD LIGHT, THE OFFICIAL BEER OF SACKMIKEGOLDBERG.COM

“Looking for a kimura!”

No. Neither fighter was. Nobody in that fucking time zone was, you incompetent shit. Looking for a kimura involves attempting to grab an arm or a wrist. Nobody did any such thing. My friend’s ten-year old nephew knows enough to be baffled by this. My mom would have been baffled by this. You could practically hear Joe desperately trying not to scream, “What the fucking NO.”

FIREWATCH

Expect some of the following to be gone from the UFC following their losses. Australian fighters who were sent to be murdered by superior fighters for the crowd’s amusement are obviously not included.

Keith Jardine: Gotta go. No ground game. No knockout threat. Being the Techno Viking can only get you so far in life, and his fifteen minutes is up. I give him one more fight, max.

Brian Foster: Got subbed by a premiere Ultimate Kickboxer. Get the fuck out. That’s like being knocked out by Cain Velas- oh. Right.

Stephan Bonnar: This fight wasn’t the problem. I’ll just remind you that last year, he LOST TO MARK COLEMAN. WHY IS HE HERE. GET. OUT.

That’s all I’ve got right now. I’m gonna try and drop at least one thing a week on here, if you’ve got advice, criticism, love, hatred, or want to sell me products that will help ATTACK HER HAM POCKET, feel free to email me.

Defending Mike Goldberg?

Mike — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 00:31:40 +0000

Here’s a headline from a Sun UK article last month:

Goldie: Silva’s run will end

Looks like a golden source of material for this blog, right? Yeah, here’s what ol’ Goldie actually said:

But the question is, can anybody beat Anderson Silva? When he’s come at his best, he certainly looks unbeatable.

But there’s no such thing as an unbeatable ultimate fighter. There are too many different things that can happen and too many different variables and if you’re asking me if Dan Henderson or Michael Bisping can put together the game plan to beat Anderson Silva – of course they can.

…

If you had to put your money on a guy who was going to run through this sport and create new records and fight wins in a row, I think you would put your money on Anderson Silva.

That being said though, as we’ve seen many times before – like when Matt Serra beat Georges St Pierre – one punch or one kick and the world can change quite quickly.

So really when you look at the top of the challengers’ list I see Henderson and Bisping as marquee athletes and marquee fighters who would make one think ‘maybe this is the night Anderson leaves no longer the champion.’

Reserved, thoughtful comments from Mike Goldberg? What the hell is going on? Shame on you Sun, Goldberg makes an ass of himself enough on his own. No reason for you to make shit up for him.

Sack Mike Goldberg » michael bisping

UFC 110 Horrendously Overdue Token Opinion Piece

Defending Mike Goldberg?

Goldie: Silva’s run will end