Need a reason to drink?  No?  Well, you want to convince some bar skanks to get drunk enough to go home with you?  Yeah?  All right, then.  Find a bar playing UFC 102, find some beer loving heffers, and give them this list.  Hell, you can even start making up shit on your own after the first fight or two.

Take a drink…

…if Leben’s positive steroid test is mentioned.
…if Randy is described as “mauling” Nogueira.
…every time Couture’s described as a 5 time champion.
…every time Nogueira’s Pride/UFC title accomplishment is mentioned.
…if Joe says, “That’s a wrap!”
…if Maia’s BJJ is described as “being on another level.”
…every time Marquardt’s piledriver is shown.
…every utterance of “awkward” and “unorthodox.”
…every utterance of “impose his/your will.”

Finish your drink…

…if Joe calls Randy his hero.
…if Randy submits Nogueira.
…if Nogueira knocks out Randy.
…if Fedor gets his named dropped.

In between Thai clinches and rubber guards, Mike and Joe like to say stuff.  You can make a pretty good drinking game out of it.  The core rules are here.  The 101 specific rules are as follows:

Take a drink if Mike or Joe…

…bring up B.J. Penn’s 3 foot pool jump.
…talk about Kenny Florian finishes fight.
…mention Florian’s loss to Sean Sherk.
…mentions Forrest fighting for $250, being a police officer, or continuing with a broken arm.
…reference “Shogun” Rua as being the #1 LHW in the world when Forrest beat him.
…talk about Silva’s BJJ black belt from the Nogueira brothers.
…bring up Anderson Silva’s elbow destruction of Tony Fryklund.
…describe Silva’s past two fights as some form of “unmotivated”, “lackadaisical”, or “disappointing.”
…references Josh Neer’s amateur record.
…says, “That was weird,” if Kurt Pellegrino puts himself into Neer’s guard.
…use a Boston accent.

Take a drink…

…for every Affliction shirt worn by a fighter.
…if Diego Sanchez steps into the Octagon following the main event.
…every time you hear “I want B.J.’s belt!”
…for every Buffer 90/180.

Finish your drink…

…if Diego Sanchez says, “YUS!”

Loyal reader starvin Twitter‘d me this very provocative question:

@Mike_Fagan_13 How many drinks at ufc 100 is a Bruce Buffer “SEXYAMA” going to be worth?

Whoa.

Now, I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that we here “SEXYAMA” dropped during UFC 100.  I’d rank the likelihood of the culprit as Rogan, Goldberg, and Buffer.  That being said, Buffer may be a lock if Sexyama himself chooses it as his nickname.  And if I remember correctly, he’s acknowledged knowing about it.

Also, SMG favorite Michael Schiavello has been using it on Dream broadcasts for some time.  So, the Sexyama cherry has been breached.

Still, I’m gonna handicap Bruce, Mike, or Joe saying it at +200.  As for the drinking game, I think a double shot of your favorite hard liquor is in order, no?

With the week of from work, I plan on trying to play the Official SMG Drinking Game for Wednesday’s UFC Fight Night: Condit vs. Kampmann.  I always like to tailor the game for the specific card, so here’s some additional rules for the event.

Take a drink if Mike…

-References TUF 8
-Mentions Condit’s WEC title
-Calls Anderson Silva the “best pound-for-pound fighter in the world”
-Says the word “pace” during a lightweight fight
-Makes a March Madness reference

Good luck getting plastered!