UFC 117: Independence Day

The first in (hopefully) a series of posts leading up to UFC 117, to which I like to affectionately refer as Independence Day in my completely sober Chael Sonnen-induced stupor.

I am certain that there are plenty of male MMA fans that have a story about some chick that was awesome and would watch the fights with them.  Frequently, though, these tales seem to be the anecdotal equivalent of a European wealthy industrialist dying of cancer with no heirs, or of the 2003 Chicago Cubs — simply too good to be true. (Note:  Do NOT give your pertinent information either to Dr. Alva Quinientus or Steve Bartman through an e-mail)

It's cool if your girl (or you, if you're a girl) likes MMA. Just make sure that beneath that wonderful trait, she isn't also completely insane.

I will go on record as saying this:  If you are a female and you enjoy the sport of mixed martial arts as much as I do, I want no part of you.  Even if I were still single.  A fine line exists between a female who likes sports and a female who is obsessed with sports, and that is the line I am trying to express.  As a guy obsessed with sports, I have dated both types, and the female who simply likes sports wins out every time.

The visceral, blatantly violent (yes, football and hockey have plenty of violence, but as a means to an end) nature of MMA makes it an even tougher task to find the preferred amount of feminine fandom.  Somewhere between “GSP is so hot, why are they hugging” and “I love to watch the lifeless bodies fall to the canvas” I would think.

There is an entire website devoted to spinning the sport to be more palatable to women.  Having spent the past 16 months with a “likes sports” girl, I think this is an extremely important endeavor.  Throwing her immediately into a discussion about UFC vs. PRIDE or whether or not Eddie Bravo makes up names for jiu-jitsu techniques that already exist would have been terrible.  Fortunately for me, her first real exposure to the sport came from showing up late to UFC 98, which concluded with an awe-inspiring, surface-level pleasing performance by Lyoto Machida.

Yes, in a healthy, heterosexual, mutually-MMA-loving relationship — sorry for specifics, but I will stick to what I know from experience on this one rather than speculate — there certainly can be a staggering difference in perspective.  After the jump, I will illustrate this point with my and my lady friend’s analysis of Saturday’s big fight card.

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(These discussions came about when she asked me who else was fighting other than the main event and Matt Hughes.  I directed her to the event card website and voila, dichotomy!)

Anderson Silva vs. Chael Sonnen (Middleweight Championship)

Me:  “Obviously all title fights are important.  This one stands out, though, because Chael Sonnen has done more outside of in-cage performances to make this worthy of a title fight/main event than anyone I can ever remember.”

Her:  “Anderson Silva is my favorite fighter, and it is going to be fun to watch him make a complete fool out of this guy.”

Jon Fitch vs. Thiago Alves

Me:  “Very huge, as both of these guys have put together impressive winning streaks outside of getting completely annihilated by Georges St Pierre in title fights.”

Her:  “Ooooh, Thiago.  That’s a good fight.”  (Since she skipped UFC 100, I know she has never seen Alves fight.  But even though she might get her Thiagos mixed up, she knows enough to know that anybody in the UFC named Thiago is worth watching.)

Clay Guida vs. Rafael Dos Anjos

Me:  “Neither guy tends to have a boring fight.  Wrestling vs. jiu-jitsu, anyone?”

Her:  “Ooooh, it’s the caveman!  He’s fun even when he loses.”

Matt Hughes vs. Ricardo Almeida

Me:  “Hughes was, is, and always will be one of my favorites.  Nice story to the fight, with Almeida having ties to recent Hughes victims Renzo Gracie and Matt Serra.

Her:  “Hey, babe; you like Matt Hughes!”

Roy Nelson vs. Junior Dos Santos

Me:  “Especially if Dos Santos wins, this could very well determine who is the next challenger for the heavyweight title after Brock Lesnar and Brown Pride do their thing.”

Her:  “Haha, fat guy.”

Dustin Hazelett vs. Rick Story

Me:  no comment

Her: “Haha, anorexic guy.”  (not actually unsympathetic to people with disorders)

Phil Davis vs. Rodney Wallace

Me: “Sweet, Mr. Wonderful!”

Her: “Sweet, Mr. Wonderful!”

There were others, I presume, but the point is that women can enjoy MMA without (1) them being absolutely crazy or (2) objectifying them or the sport.  That, and I am in for a world of hurt when her favorite fighter absolutely pastes the hero I have adopted.

Thanks to my lady friend Nicole for unwittingly being research for this and possibly other posts.  Probably one about how she regularly can outperform me on picking winners using unique criteria.

Save me, Babalu.  For on this day you, Renato Sobral, my favorite fighter, have the opportunity to take this collection of 24 hours in a completely different direction from that of my favorite overall MMA personality du jour, Chael Sonnen.

Sonnen, citing legal issues, has removed himself from contention in the Oregon State House of Representatives election.  Granted, from what I have been told, his chances of victory as someone in his right mind a Republican in that district were about as thin as Kate Moss after a couple trips to the bathroom.  Still, this is a huge blow to me, with Sonnen being the only MMA fighter from which I have received an e-mail (any correspondences from my good friend John Lambert, amateur fighter, notwithstanding).

On the other hand, Sobral will be facing Robbie Lawler tonight on a card run by some half-pint promotion out of California.  The fight, taking place at a catchweight of 195 pounds (affectionately known as ‘Franklinweight’), will determine the #1 contender for either their middleweight (if Lawler wins) or light heavyweight (if Babalu wins) title.  Side note: after August 7, they are changing the name of their middleweight title to the 185-Pound, Non-Chael Sonnen Division Champion.

So do it, Babalu.  Please.  Go out there and annihilate this guy.  Never mind that I like Robbie Lawler too.  I know that since Strikeforce does not allow elbows on the ground that you cannot replicate the aggravated assault (not that that never happens in the Strikeforce cage after the fight) that you laid on David Heath in a perversely entertaining manner, but do something similar.  Put him out, put him to sleep, salvage this day.

Save me, Babalu.

My love for Renato Sobral, affectionately known as ‘Babalu,‘ rivals that of my feelings for Chael Sonnen.

created from pieces found on www.votesonnen.com

Tyler,

Thank you so much for your insightful question.  It is nice to see young men with a conservative mindset who are into mixed martial arts the way that you are.  I mean, I’m just a wrestler, so I’m not a real MMA fighter like those guys in Japan who go for long shot submissions against over-matched opponents.  That’s where the real glory lies; all I do is take one of the most consistently successful disciplines for fighting and ride it as far as it will take me — which usually is to victory.

It is definitely a shame that Vitor Belfort had to pull out of his scheduled title fight with Anderson Silva due to injury.  As the proclaimed number-one contender to the UFC middleweight title, I obviously had a vested interest in the outcome of that fight.  Could you imagine what would have happened if Belfort had won?  I certainly hope that Bruce Buffer would have been practicing saying “You Eff Shee Middleweight Champion of the World, Chael Sonnen” on a daily basis, because Randy Couture has shown us on more than one occasion what an old wrestler who has no chance of beating Belfort can do.

Thanks,

Chael Sonnen

The actual form letter e-mail I received from Mr. Sonnen after the jump.

Tyler,

I want to thank you for your kind words and for your support. I love my
home state of Oregon, and if I did not feel like my back was against the
wall I would not be doing this. Oregon and our Federal Gov. need change,
and not the kind promised to voters in 2008.

Please be sure to stay in touch. You can follow my campaign on both my
website and facebook.

All the best,

Chael

Now that I’ve basically outed myself as the second coming of Matt Hughes (minus the talent), it would have been much more awesome to receive the fabricated e-mail.  Bless you, Chael Sonnen.