Save me, Babalu.  For on this day you, Renato Sobral, my favorite fighter, have the opportunity to take this collection of 24 hours in a completely different direction from that of my favorite overall MMA personality du jour, Chael Sonnen.

Sonnen, citing legal issues, has removed himself from contention in the Oregon State House of Representatives election.  Granted, from what I have been told, his chances of victory as someone in his right mind a Republican in that district were about as thin as Kate Moss after a couple trips to the bathroom.  Still, this is a huge blow to me, with Sonnen being the only MMA fighter from which I have received an e-mail (any correspondences from my good friend John Lambert, amateur fighter, notwithstanding).

On the other hand, Sobral will be facing Robbie Lawler tonight on a card run by some half-pint promotion out of California.  The fight, taking place at a catchweight of 195 pounds (affectionately known as ‘Franklinweight’), will determine the #1 contender for either their middleweight (if Lawler wins) or light heavyweight (if Babalu wins) title.  Side note: after August 7, they are changing the name of their middleweight title to the 185-Pound, Non-Chael Sonnen Division Champion.

So do it, Babalu.  Please.  Go out there and annihilate this guy.  Never mind that I like Robbie Lawler too.  I know that since Strikeforce does not allow elbows on the ground that you cannot replicate the aggravated assault (not that that never happens in the Strikeforce cage after the fight) that you laid on David Heath in a perversely entertaining manner, but do something similar.  Put him out, put him to sleep, salvage this day.

Save me, Babalu.

My love for Renato Sobral, affectionately known as ‘Babalu,‘ rivals that of my feelings for Chael Sonnen.

I have nothing constructive to say about UFC 112 that anyone who visits any MMA website hasn’t already seen.  Anderson Silva can be frustrating but if he is not directly threatened in the cage, you really cannot stop him from doing whatever he wants.  I tried to convince myself that BJ Penn was simply in one of his crazy-man trances as he walked to the Octagon instead of already being completely out of it.  The undercard was fantastic and Matt Hughes finally got a win standing up (not counting the Rear Naked Joke incident).

In the past few weeks, we have seen several fighters who typically sit at or near the top of MMA pound-for-pound rankings receive criticism for their performances.  Georges St Pierre dominated in his victory at last month’s UFC 111, but did so in an arguably lackluster fashion.  Penn and Silva did nothing to help their cause on Saturday.

That’s why I have proposed we completely scrap any pound-for-pound rankings, and start completely over.  The following is my attempt at the next generation of meaningless lists.  I have disqualified anyone and anything from Japan because (1) this is a highly scientific and mathematical process, and you are a better man than I if you can formulate the Japanese, and (2) if I didn’t, then obviously every spot would be taken by Minowaman.

Without further ado, let’s get this underway.

10. The UFC’s multimedia crew
Last week’s #10: Minowaman

Photo courtesy of UFC.com and their tricky conspiracy theorists

The creative geniuses that work behind the scenes for the Ultimate Fighting Championship slip into the Top 10 after a stellar performance following UFC 112.  If you look at the picture they conjured on the left here, you might be led to think that the impossible happened with Frankie Edgar winning the UFC lightweight crown, instead of ignoring the truth that BJ Penn won at least three rounds (but no more than four).

The skills with Photoshop displayed in this exhibition of computer greatness exceed anything I think I have ever seen from someone.  I mean, if I did not know any better, if I had not seen the fight and knew in my heart of hearts that Penn had won to the point where I went to the restroom during the announcement of the judges’ decision, I would actually kind of believe it.  Oh wait; what?  Really?

REALLY!?!?

9. The elbow of Jon Jones
Last week’s #9: The elbow of Kenny Florian

I don’t know if one singular body part (on a male, at least — mind you) has ever brought more joy than the fast-rising, soon-to-be-superstar’s arm joints.  With his spinning back elbow on Stephan Bonnar, his assault on Matt Hamill that defines “totally illegal but completely awesome” better than anything since Grand Theft Auto, and his inhumanely righteous completion of Brandon Vera, Jon “Bones” Jones has effectively used his elbows to dispatch of three guys we are all really ready to not think about anymore.

8. Jose Aldo
Last week’s #8: Minowaman

He may not yet have the impressive longevity on his resume that other top fighters possess, but there is no denying that since he set foot in the WEC, Jose Aldo has been as electrifying and dominant of an individual as there is in the sport.  I just want you to take a look at this snippet from his fight record on Wikipedia:

DOUBLE FLYING KNEES?

Granted, this was just against Cub Swanson, and he still has a chance to ruin all his awesomeness in two weeks when he faces Urijah Faber on the WEC’s first ever pay-per-view event, but until then Aldo safely holds a place on the list.

*   *   *   *   *

7. Raiden from the Mortal Kombat series
Last week’s #7: Chael Sonnen’s mouth

Correct me if I am wrong, but did we not see something similar to this stance from Anderson Silva in his fight this past Saturday against Demian Maia?  I gotta say, in true Joe Rogan-about-Wanderlei Silva fashion, “Raiden is back!”

And when you take into account that anyone who has ever played Mortal Kombat knows that Raiden has a devastating ability to close the distance and work you over in the clinch, we are definitely looking at a top-10 pound-for-pound fighter.

6. Phil Mickelson
Last week’s #6: Broken noses at the UFC on Versus card

As someone who enjoys golf and is in his fledgling days in attempting to acquire its skills, I admire anyone who can play that sport professionally.  As a left-handed individual, I have a soft spot in my heart for southpaws of any kind in any sport (except for basketball, then it’s just awkward to watch).  So as the top left-handed golfer who is not from Canada (sorry, Mike Weir), Mickelson gets my nod after a huge weekend.

5. My Strikeforce: Nashville ticket
Last week’s #5: Minowaman

I hope this does not come across as boastful or arrogant, as I am simply excited.  I tend to think most of you would be as well, and I hope to make the best use of this ticket in a manner that will benefit any readers of SMG.

For security reasons that I hope I do not have to go into, I will not post an actual picture of said ticket.  But anytime that you get a ticket worth $147.50 (not including Ticketmaster’s fees) at no direct cost to you because of your job, you have to be ecstatic.  With three title fights that evening and a preliminary battle showcasing personal favorite Jason ‘Mayhem’ Miller, a free pass to Strikeforce: Nashville easily breaks into the top ten.

4. Jose Aldo
Last week’s #4: Fedor Emelianenko

I swear, he really is impressive enough to make it onto the revamped pound-for-pound list twice.  Faber and his butt-chin will try to do something about it on the 24th, but until then I stand by my choice.  No arguments, please.

3. Anderson Silva
Last week’s #3: BJ Penn

Allow me to explain my case.  Let’s face it, for the first few rounds of his fight with Maia, most people were either amused or outright awestruck by what Silva was able to accomplish in an actual fight.  As time wore on, Silva became less entertaining and more annoying, and at the end of the fight it was clear he had won.

One of the more infamous contests in UFC history was Nate Quarry’s victory over Kalib Starnes at UFC 83.  The day after UFC 112, a friend of mine pointed out to me that Silva was able to effectively channel the spirits of both Quarry and Starnes in one contest.  While he slides a couple of spots, that accomplishment (not to mention he is still the best fighter in the world) is enough to keep him highly ranked.

2. Cecil Peoples
Last week’s #2: Georges St Pierre

No matter how one personally performs, nothing makes them look better than their contemporaries totally screwing up.  Cecil Peoples has long been maligned and is notorious for scoring a fight in ways that many fans have trouble comprehending.  Plus, as you can see on the left, when he is not judging fights, he is hilariously bumbling as a referee.

But the heat is off of Peoples right now as fellow MMA judge Douglas Crosby (who undoubtedly is related to kitten-choking hockey player Sidney Crosby) is on the receiving end of criticism of his five-round sweep score for Frankie Edgar this past weekend over BJ Penn.  And his attempts to explain himself really are not helping anyone but Peoples, who basks outside the critical spotlight.

1. Chael Sonnen’s mouth
Last week’s #1: (tie) Anderson Silva, Minowaman

I never said Sonnen the fighter was number one.

I have previously made it clear that I love Chael Sonnen.  He is definitely in the top ten of people I love right now, somewhere between Anne Hathaway and Edge.

Sonnen’s ability to speak inflammatory words in recent months has made his mouth a mainstay in the rankings, but as I totally revamp them — and take into account the happenings of this past week — it becomes clear to me that it belongs at the top for now.

And if he keeps firing out magically delicious interviews like this one, not much will change.

created from pieces found on www.votesonnen.com

Tyler,

Thank you so much for your insightful question.  It is nice to see young men with a conservative mindset who are into mixed martial arts the way that you are.  I mean, I’m just a wrestler, so I’m not a real MMA fighter like those guys in Japan who go for long shot submissions against over-matched opponents.  That’s where the real glory lies; all I do is take one of the most consistently successful disciplines for fighting and ride it as far as it will take me — which usually is to victory.

It is definitely a shame that Vitor Belfort had to pull out of his scheduled title fight with Anderson Silva due to injury.  As the proclaimed number-one contender to the UFC middleweight title, I obviously had a vested interest in the outcome of that fight.  Could you imagine what would have happened if Belfort had won?  I certainly hope that Bruce Buffer would have been practicing saying “You Eff Shee Middleweight Champion of the World, Chael Sonnen” on a daily basis, because Randy Couture has shown us on more than one occasion what an old wrestler who has no chance of beating Belfort can do.

Thanks,

Chael Sonnen

The actual form letter e-mail I received from Mr. Sonnen after the jump.

Tyler,

I want to thank you for your kind words and for your support. I love my
home state of Oregon, and if I did not feel like my back was against the
wall I would not be doing this. Oregon and our Federal Gov. need change,
and not the kind promised to voters in 2008.

Please be sure to stay in touch. You can follow my campaign on both my
website and facebook.

All the best,

Chael

Now that I’ve basically outed myself as the second coming of Matt Hughes (minus the talent), it would have been much more awesome to receive the fabricated e-mail.  Bless you, Chael Sonnen.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Your favorite fighter, the guy who’s knob you slobbed for five rounds against Taka Michinoku, the guy you proclaimed as the “best American-born mixed martial artist” gets a nice hard look at Brian Bowles’ knuckles.  When Todd Harris asks you to recap the action, you sound like someone just killed your puppy just to bring it back to life and kill it again.

I really don’t have a problem with commentators not maintaining objectivity in general.  The problem I have is when the commentary is provided by the organization.  Mir and Harris aren’t just representatives of Versus, they’re representatives of the WEC (I believe).  When you’re being paid by the promotion, it becomes inappropriate to openly take sides.  But hey, it provided for some hilariously awkward TV!

Edit: I also love Harris blowing his load during the replay while Mir’s doing his eulogy.  Classy!

Loyal reader starvin Twitter‘d me this very provocative question:

@Mike_Fagan_13 How many drinks at ufc 100 is a Bruce Buffer “SEXYAMA” going to be worth?

Whoa.

Now, I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that we here “SEXYAMA” dropped during UFC 100.  I’d rank the likelihood of the culprit as Rogan, Goldberg, and Buffer.  That being said, Buffer may be a lock if Sexyama himself chooses it as his nickname.  And if I remember correctly, he’s acknowledged knowing about it.

Also, SMG favorite Michael Schiavello has been using it on Dream broadcasts for some time.  So, the Sexyama cherry has been breached.

Still, I’m gonna handicap Bruce, Mike, or Joe saying it at +200.  As for the drinking game, I think a double shot of your favorite hard liquor is in order, no?

We did it, momma!  I watched the English language broadcast of Eddie Alvarez and Jorge Masvidal’s Bellator fights in which SMG’s mancrush Jon Anik provided the play-by-play.  I’m not sure if this is his first go ’round, but he delivered the goods here.  Why do I love Jon Anik so much?

1.  Dude speaks well. (See what I did there?)  Outside of completely botching Hayato “Mach” Sakurai’s name on MMA Live – oddly, he nailed “Mach” but failed the surname (though he got it right in the next episode), Anik does a good job getting the names right.  And in a sport as international as MMA, that’s a big deal.   He calls the action smoothly, describing the action well and with proper inflection.  In short, he sounds like a professional broadcaster.

2.  He does his homework.  Mike Goldberg’s knowledge of MMA seems to come exclusively from his connections behind the scenes, referencing things he’s been told by trainers, Joe Silva, Couture, etc.  Kenny Rice has a stat sheet and tries to glean information from that (poorly).  Anik, however, watches the sport and has a good idea of what he’s talking about.  Or else he does a ridiculous job faking it.  He knows not only that Alvarez lost to Aoki in his last fight, not only that he lost by heel hook, but that he came into the bout with a leg injury which may have played a part in the outcome.  He doesn’t have to rely on his color man (and in this instance, the dude from “Human Weapon” wasn’t much help) to call the ground game.

3.  He’s intelligent.  I don’t want to insinuate that a Mike Goldberg or a Kenny Rice are dumb guys.  In all likelihood, they’re probably reasonably intelligent.  Anik comes off as a really sharp guy, though.  He’s quick on his feet.  He puts information in its proper context and uses it at the appropriate time.

I really can’t say enough about Anik.  I’m sure the more exposed to him I become (and hopefully the more I expose myself to him) some flaws will surface, but I really have a hard time thinking of better play-by-play guys in MMA.  I’ve always enjoyed Quadros and Mauro, but they both have their weaknesses.  Gus Johnson has a lot of potential, but I worry he’ll never live down the “Rocky” stuff.

On a side note, Eddie Alvarez is the bomb and his wife is smoking.