Photo via UFC.com

Randy Couture walked over James Toney in the co-main event of UFC 118 to the surprise of absolutely no one. This was a freak show through and through. Fans knew it. Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg knew it. Couture and Toney knew it. Mario Yamasaki knew it. Dana White admitted to it. The Massachusetts athletic commission licensed it while knowing it. Even Paulo César da Silva questioned the matchmaking.

For some reason, Ben Fowlkes attributed some meaning to this bout. Or he didn’t. He’s all over the place in this piece dressing Toney down. What do I mean?

Let’s break it down:

Even if Toney had diligently worked on his ground game since signing a UFC contract, there’s simply no way, in the span of a few months, that a 42-year-old boxer is going to learn to wrestle like a guy whose cauliflower ear has cauliflower ear.

Then…

But boxers, and boxing in general, should by no means be judged by Toney’s sorry performance.

Then…

Forget defending the submission, I just want to know if Toney could even name the move that did him in.

Then…

Toney was a poor representative for his sport on Saturday.

Then he summarizes his muddled point…

Because what really sold this bout was the old school promise of seeing a top boxer against a top MMA fighter. Even after all these years, it’s a promise that holds some appeal for us. The way Toney fought, we still can’t say we’ve seen it in the UFC. But maybe thanks to his dismal showing, some day we will.

Let me see if I can recap. 1) James Toney put on an awful MMA performance. 2) Well, what could we expect him to learn after nine months of training? 3) Yeah, but James Toney sucked and embarrassed himself and boxing.

What exactly was Ben Fowlkes expecting? James Toney could have been in great shape, weighed in around 215, and the fight would have played out exactly as it did on Saturday night.

If you really want to point fingers, point them squarely at Dana White and Zuffa. Dana could have told James Toney to fuck off at UFC 108 and been done with it. He didn’t. Dana signed the fight, and we got the Dennis Green special last night. James Toney is who we thought he is.

And then there’s this:

Couture, who still looks like the ‘after’ photo for a workout supplement at age 47…

Must have been those short bike shorts.

With “King” Mo main eventing this Saturday’s Strikeforce card, McNeil wrote a feature piece on the promotion’s light heavyweight champion. This isn’t the first time McNeil’s stumbled and bumbled when it comes to Mo. Last July, Franklin told us to be patient about Mo fighting “Rampage” Jackson, since he had never fought above middleweight before. Unfortunately, Mo debuted at heavyweight against Travis Wiuff and had three light heavyweight bouts up to that point. I guess we can’t blame McNeil for not watching fights that air at 2 a.m. Oh, wait, yes we can because this stuff is on Youtube.

Anyway, McNeil tried his hand again with “King” Mo. Here’s a couple of highlights. Go check out the full piece if you want to feel good about a guy playing journalist with a fifth grade writing level.

With only seven professional fights under his belt, Muhammed Lawal has become the most difficult mixed martial artist to figure out. There is no way to predict what strategy he will employ at any time inside the cage.

Worst lede paragraph in history? Worst lede paragraph in history.

If Lawal has absorbed half as much information about Cavalcante as he claims, his head must be ready to explode.

Does this mean that if Mo absorbed all the information he claimed, his head has exploded?

There were more, but I think this is a large enough sample to display the greatness that is Strikeforce’s marketing department.  I will never doubt again, especially since they correctly pegged me as a ROCKY fan who likes to reminisce about the time that Ted DiBiase’s son choked me out.

Whoops?

That’s everything for tonight! Thanks very much for joining us for tonight’s fights. Come back for more in-depth analysis of the thrilling Mayorga-Thomas fight!

Now that I have got that one little stickler of a point out of the way, I will make my own personal disclaimer so as to avoid any future misunderstanding.  I am a Lyoto Machida fan.  I will be vigorously rooting for him tomorrow night at UFC 113 as he defends his title against the aforementioned Mauricio “Shogun” Rua.  I became a fan of Machida’s when I saw him unleash one of the most unique (and efficient) attacks I have ever seen on highlight-reel superstar David Heath at UFC 70.

That same night, in the main event, one of Shogun’s fellow PRIDE FC poster-boys — Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic” – was supposedly being set up for a title fight with then-heavyweight champion Randy Couture.  It had been my duty as the most “educated” MMA fan of my group to insist to everyone that Cro Cop was not only legendary, but a veritable lock to win his fight that evening and proceed on to stealing the belt away from “Captain America.”  Instead, the bigger, stronger, more well-rounded fighter — Gabriel Gonzaga — dominated the Croatian for four minutes and then delivered one of the most legendary knockouts in UFC history.

I looked like a fool.  It was the last time I would ever pretend to think that PRIDE’s stable of fighters held some mystical advantage over those in the UFC.

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Except for when Mauricio Rua was set to make his debut in the UFC against Forrest Griffin at UFC 76.  I never thought Rua was anything other than a relatively lucky brawler with a ground game, but my disdain for Griffin (now because he is just plain annoying, then because I was still convinced that Stephan Bonnar won their first fight) allowed me to once again proclaim to the Forrest contingent that this was a fighter on a totally different level than their large-eared Georgian.  Instead he got out-worked, out-hustled, out-struck, and out-choked.

While I looked like a fool again, part of me on the inside smiled.  All of this transpiring was not unlike watching the fate of many of WCW’s guys after the company was bought by Vince McMahon.  Being the sick homer that I am, I enjoyed watching them flounder, and a huge part of me was reliving that as PRIDE’s stars continued to fall short of their perceived glory once they reached the promotion I had always loved.

By the time that UFC 93 had ended and Shogun had become the first fighter to ever make me want to root for Mark Coleman in a fight, his fate with me was completely sealed.

Now, fast-forward to last fall and UFC 104, where Shogun got a title shot against Machida.  I thought it was a valiant and extremely surprising performance.  I also thought that there was a pretty good chance that Machida still won the fight — just not a clean sweep of the rounds as we all had become accustomed.  If it had ended there, I would have been perfectly fine with everything.

Unfortunately, every waking hour since October 24 of last year has featured at least one mention of how Shogun won the fight.  Or how it was a terrible robbery.  Or how “everyone really knows who won.” (The actual answer to that is, yes, we all were provided with the necessary information to know that Machida won the fight)  When my MMA website of choice presented its 2009 Reader Awards, in the category of “Performance of the Year” there was actually some griping that Shogun didn’t get enough recognition.

Get over yourselves!  Seriously.  You might need some help if this gets any worse.

There are many of them, but I will instead pick on one guy in particular — mostly because my observations find him to be a relatively cool dude who is generally a major plus to the online MMA community.  He goes by Orcus at Bloody Elbow, and if you look closely (or really, even glance) at any stories or posts regarding Shogun, you will see that he is the captain ring leader of Team WeconstantlywhineandarereadytodoanythingforthegreatandalmightyMauricio.  So to you I say this, sir:

You annoy me less than someone who only likes to talk about how they are better than anyone else at predicting fights.
You annoy me less than people who constantly place their beliefs on religion, politics, social issues, etc. as the default position.  I am a Christian and a Republican and never enjoy hearing how I must be stupid because obviously intelligent people could never have such beliefs.
You annoy me about the same as people who get mad when I beat them in online mode on UFC 2009 Undisputed.  And yes, when I play the 2010 demo I love to beat up Shogun with Machida.

But Orcus, as a representative of the fans of Mauricio “Shogun” Rua… you annoy me more than Mike Goldberg.

Oh, and one more thing:  Go Machida!

Above: Jake Shields prepares for Saturday's fight against Dan Henderson.

Dan Henderson was laughable on the ground. There, I said it.

Dan Henderson, two-time olympian, (and not some bullshit Olympian like Herschel Walker) dominant two-division PRIDE champion, dude who wasn’t embarassed by Anderson Silva, was reduced to a pathetic has-been in many eyes by Jake Shields. Shields’ best offensive techniques have been passed down to him by a snuggie. Shields is the #1 contender for Jon Fitch’s cuddleweight championship pillow. I’ll let this sink in for a minute.

Many people would be quick to claim that Hendo’s wrestling is overrated, or that he was just physically outclassed, or that he puts too much faith in his ridiculously overpowered right hand. Seriously, that shit is OP, God needs to nerf that shit in the next patch. Not so, if you ask me. I think Dan has forgotten how to wrestle.
Last fall, The Sporting News’ dude-punching blog, The Rumble, had an interview with Jon Jones. In it, they asked Jones about how he felt his wrestling matched up to Matt Hamill’s.  His response has had me thinking for a while.

People say how great of a wrestler Matt Hamill was, but he was a great wrestler a long time ago. You lose a lot of wrestling (over time.) The 2006 Jon Jones would beat the snot out of me in a wrestling match today. I’m a little more fresh out of the wrestling scene and he’s been out of it for a long time.

Now, I’m hardly a collegiate wrestling expert, but with my limited background in martial arts, I can certainly relate to what he’s saying, and recent performances by Hendo, Hamill, Matt Hughes, Mark Coleman, and, to a lesser extent, Rashad Evans have left me convinced that Jones may be on to something. We’ve all made countless criticisms towards fighters for “standing and banging” to try and become more popular fighters, at the expense of their chances of winning. We even give this condition a name: Gurgelitis. Now it appears there may be more to this than a simple desire for more money. Did Hughes and Renzo kickbox because they feared each other’s ground games, or because they didn’t trust their own? Does Rashad “shuck and jive” (fuck you if you use that term, by the way) because he trusts his boxing that much, or because he’s worried that his wrestling is slipping away? Did Coleman let himself get murdered by Couture because he’s an imbecile, or… because he’s an imbecile?

This brings up two questions to me: First, how the Goddamn fuck does Randy Couture wrestle the shit out of every motherfucker that doesn’t outweigh him by a hundred pounds? That bald-ass son of a bitch is older than Keith Richards. I didn’t even know you COULD be older than Keith. Second, what can fighters do to protect themselves from losing this major part of their skill set? Jones claims that he frequently goes back to his alma mater and wrestles with the wrestling team there to keep his skills sharp. Anybody know if this is common? If not, why the fuck are more guys not doing this? This seems like common sense to me. If you wanna sharpen your jits, go to a high-level BJJ teacher. If you wanna sharpen your boxing, go talk to Freddie Roach or another high-level boxing coach. Why not go to a local college and ask for help? It’s easy publicity for a sport sorely lacking in it.

I hope that guys like Henderson, Hamill and Hughes aren’t finished. I mean, shit, I’m wearing a shirt signed by Hamill as I write this. But unless something changes soon, these guys are gonna be mentioned in the past tense a lot more than as having any current relevance.

– Andre the Giant in The Princess Bride

If you are reading this, chances are you do not care to argue that mixed martial arts is something other than completely awesome (perhaps not to the level of Andre, but still).  The sport contains head kicks and kneebars, performed with designs of causing loss of consciousness (or at least loss of “intelligent defense”) or severe joint stress.

While no one here is trying to undermine the frequent technical and/or artistic beauty in MMA — most of Lyoto Machida’s fights as well as Anderson Silva’s dismantling of Forrest Griffin at UFC 101 come to mind — the fact remains that if someone along the way more than slightly fails to properly do their job, a participant can be placed in serious danger.

No matter how many rules and regulations are implemented and enforced, it’s still an extremely dangerous way to spend one’s evening.  While fighter safety is promoted to no end (thankfully and rightfully so), if every MMA competitor were guaranteed safety every time they step in the polygonal structure, the sport would suck.

Sometimes we see examples of officials doing their job extremely well.  Herb Dean and Josh Rosenthal’s performances at the UFC on Versus card received heaps of well-earned praise.  Dan Miragliotta this past Saturday night in Shane Carwin vs. Frank Mir?  Not so much.  Fighters have been known to blatantly cross the line, with the author’s favorite fighter Renato ‘Babalu’ Sobral being no exception in his fight against David Heath.

Were Frank Mir and David Heath put in serious danger?  Yes.  There is little defense for the negligence (or in Babalu’s case, intent) displayed by the parties at fault.  What I want to look at after the jump, however, is an instance where there was less of an individual to blame and an unfortunate incident occurred as part of the sport’s burden as being completely, ridiculously, and utterly awesome.

*   *   *   *   *

I am going to go out on a limb (sorry for the inappropriately timed pun, Mr. Drwal) and say that while the effects of the conclusion of Rousimar Palhares vs. Tomasz Drwal at UFC 111 were unfortunate, no one person can be blamed.  Palhares received a suspension — as he should have — but hold off on the crucifixion of ‘Toquinho’ as a despicable human being unfit to perform professionally.

Thanks to Fightlinker.com for the GIF

And while we are on the subject, the same goes for the referee in this contest (Kevin Mulhall?).  What happened in this instance appeared to not be either fighter or official failing miserably to adhere to the rules, but rather both slipping slightly on their duties.  If Palhares holds the heel hook just a little too long but the referee gets there a little quicker, things are better.  If it takes the ref that many taps to reach the fighter but Palhares alleviates the pressure upon Drwal tapping frantically, things are better.

While X-rays on Drwal’s leg were negative, that MRI that is scheduled for today might reveal the true measure of damage inflicted upon ligaments and tendons.  However, whatever the result may be, this is less of an indictment against Palhares or the referee.  Drwal was not a victim of poor sportsmanship or poor officiating so much as he was a victim of a sport which is often dangerous and self-hindering for the very same reasons that it is completely awesome.

"Next time, I'm writing my whole damn name in headbutts."

Not much of a surprise to see a local reporter churn out the usual UFC-hate piece with the company entering a new market this Saturday.  Dan Canzano of the Oregonian penned the latest beauty.  It’s your standard affair, though Canzano offers this little anecdote that tickles my fancy:

My early experiences with mixed martial arts weren’t good ones. Admittedly, it tainted me. I came to this sport early, and remember sitting ringside at a Native American casino in California years ago, watching a mob of fans cry for blood. And there was lots of it on the canvas.

During that event, more than a decade ago, one of the fighters competing on the undercard canceled. And so the ring announcer grabbed a microphone and asked if there was anyone in the house that wanted to fight.

A guy stepped forward, and proceeded to get his face battered, and eventually, he vomited in the center of the octagon. I interviewed him after the bout and he apologized and blamed his 0-1 career start on bad luck.

Well, Dan, I’m sure glad your entire view of the sport is shaped by one instance in a rinky dink promotion in some backwards California Indian casino.  Because that really highlights how Dana White, the UFC, and the rest of legitimate MMA organizations are run.

I mean, fuck.  Would you introduce someone to basketball by going down to your local inner-city playground?  Would you bring teach someone the intricacies of professional football by digging out tapes of the XFL?

It’s amazing that sports journalists get where they are when the majority of them lack the ability to utilize logic and critical reasoning.  Absolutely mindblowing.

It’s been a week since Strikeforce’s “Carano vs. Cyborg” card.  I put off critiquing it because, frankly, I thought it was a disaster.

Most pressing (and disappointingly) is that I’ve lost faith in Gus Johnson’s ability to become a legitimate MMA broadcaster.  His ability to shriek at dramatic moments works well for basketball where those situations are few and far between.  MMA provides for many opportunities for Gus to unleash his inner banshee, and he shows little ability to differentiate between appropriate moments to go nuts and a fairly routine stoppage or bit of action.

I don’t remember too much of Mauro Ranallo and Frank Shamrock’s performances, though the “keys to victory” segment made Frank look like an idiot.  Showtimes needs to revamp or just plain scrap that turd.  The skinless wonders really highlight the fact that you aren’t watching the UFC.  It looks second rate, the explanation sounds second rate, and the “keys” are certainly second rate.

It’s disappointing that Strikeforce built up so much momentum with the historic main event and the Fedor signing, but the broadcast continues to make the promotion look like the minor leagues that they are.  They really aren’t that far off which is what makes it especially frustrating.