Photo via UFC.com

Randy Couture walked over James Toney in the co-main event of UFC 118 to the surprise of absolutely no one. This was a freak show through and through. Fans knew it. Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg knew it. Couture and Toney knew it. Mario Yamasaki knew it. Dana White admitted to it. The Massachusetts athletic commission licensed it while knowing it. Even Paulo César da Silva questioned the matchmaking.

For some reason, Ben Fowlkes attributed some meaning to this bout. Or he didn’t. He’s all over the place in this piece dressing Toney down. What do I mean?

Let’s break it down:

Even if Toney had diligently worked on his ground game since signing a UFC contract, there’s simply no way, in the span of a few months, that a 42-year-old boxer is going to learn to wrestle like a guy whose cauliflower ear has cauliflower ear.

Then…

But boxers, and boxing in general, should by no means be judged by Toney’s sorry performance.

Then…

Forget defending the submission, I just want to know if Toney could even name the move that did him in.

Then…

Toney was a poor representative for his sport on Saturday.

Then he summarizes his muddled point…

Because what really sold this bout was the old school promise of seeing a top boxer against a top MMA fighter. Even after all these years, it’s a promise that holds some appeal for us. The way Toney fought, we still can’t say we’ve seen it in the UFC. But maybe thanks to his dismal showing, some day we will.

Let me see if I can recap. 1) James Toney put on an awful MMA performance. 2) Well, what could we expect him to learn after nine months of training? 3) Yeah, but James Toney sucked and embarrassed himself and boxing.

What exactly was Ben Fowlkes expecting? James Toney could have been in great shape, weighed in around 215, and the fight would have played out exactly as it did on Saturday night.

If you really want to point fingers, point them squarely at Dana White and Zuffa. Dana could have told James Toney to fuck off at UFC 108 and been done with it. He didn’t. Dana signed the fight, and we got the Dennis Green special last night. James Toney is who we thought he is.

And then there’s this:

Couture, who still looks like the ‘after’ photo for a workout supplement at age 47…

Must have been those short bike shorts.

With “King” Mo main eventing this Saturday’s Strikeforce card, McNeil wrote a feature piece on the promotion’s light heavyweight champion. This isn’t the first time McNeil’s stumbled and bumbled when it comes to Mo. Last July, Franklin told us to be patient about Mo fighting “Rampage” Jackson, since he had never fought above middleweight before. Unfortunately, Mo debuted at heavyweight against Travis Wiuff and had three light heavyweight bouts up to that point. I guess we can’t blame McNeil for not watching fights that air at 2 a.m. Oh, wait, yes we can because this stuff is on Youtube.

Anyway, McNeil tried his hand again with “King” Mo. Here’s a couple of highlights. Go check out the full piece if you want to feel good about a guy playing journalist with a fifth grade writing level.

With only seven professional fights under his belt, Muhammed Lawal has become the most difficult mixed martial artist to figure out. There is no way to predict what strategy he will employ at any time inside the cage.

Worst lede paragraph in history? Worst lede paragraph in history.

If Lawal has absorbed half as much information about Cavalcante as he claims, his head must be ready to explode.

Does this mean that if Mo absorbed all the information he claimed, his head has exploded?

Mixed martial arts fans received a wake up call this week when negotiations stalled between San Jose-based Strikeforce and Fedor Emelianenko’s M-1 Global. While M-1 Global have blamed interruptions on issues with “co-promotion” and brand recognition, industry insiders speculate monetary compensation is the primary hold up.

“I always thought fighters got in the cage, you know, for me,” said Mark Blugruth, 40, of Richmond, VA. “I always imagined these guys were fighting to win over my favor. Like, I was some ancient king or something.”

Emelianenko’s situation is not unique. B.J. Penn left the UFC in 2005 to fight in Japan for a far great payday. Perhaps most famously, Randy Couture went as far as “resigning” from the UFC in late 2007 in a bid to cash in for a fight with the enigmatic Russian.

Jeremy Rothscoe is a lifelong MMA fan and plumber in southern Michigan. Rothscoe believes fighters chasing the almighty dollar to be shameless.

“These guys fight under the big, bright lights and think they’re something special,” said Rothscoe, who also moonlights in drag. “I’ll let you in on a little secret: these guys love fighting. You shouldn’t get paid for something you love to do. You don’t see me asking for a paycheck every time I watch a sunrise or check out the soccer moms at the park.”

Jim Fontana wants to know just who these guys think they are.

“I would be fired for some of the things these guys get away with,” said Fontana, who was later fired from his post as an air traffic controller for participating in this interview on the clock.

There may not be a bigger fan of MMA than UFC President Dana White. White says he has to deal with this greed first hand, and it disgusts him every day.

“Listen, I’m trying to run a business,” said White during a charity event for wealthy victims of male pattern baldness. “If it was up to me, these guys would be fighting for [fucking] free.”

New rumors have surfaced about the mysterious post-fight meeting between UFC President Dana White and middleweight champ Anderson Silva following April 10th’s UFC 112 main event in Abu Dhabi. A source familiar with the situation has contacted Sack Mike Goldberg with the juicy details.

According to the source, White entered Silva’s dressing room to find the champ sitting cross-legged on the floor, busy at the controls of a toy train. Candy wrappers lay scattered around the champion, who won his 11th straight bout in the UFC earlier in the evening. One corner of the room had been adorned with balloons reading “Awesome Job!” and “You’re Great!”

White asked Silva if the two could speak in private, which elicited no response from the Brazilian. Unperturbed, White repeated the question, which again went unanswered.

White then glanced over at Silva’s manager, Ed Soares.  Soares walked over to his client, knelt down, and asked (in Portuguese), “Anderson, Mr. White would like to speak to you. Is that OK?”

Reports differ on the champion’s exact reaction, but the general consensus is that Silva set into a tremendous temper tantrum. One version has Silva knocking over the train set, screaming that Soares had “promised [Silva] playtime” if he beat challenger Demian Maia.

Another version states that Silva began sobbing uncontrollably about wanting to play with his toys. Soares allegedly began dragging his man out of the room, angerly whispering, “You’ve made Mr. White mad. You’ve mad me mad. Don’t make this any harder on yourself.”

A final version has Silva telling Soares to “get that [expletive] playboy out of here,” and asking White “where his jiu-jitsu” was.

Regardless of the actual course of events, it is agreed that White apologized for the sudden entrance and remarked that he might have come at a bad time. He and Soares went on to arrange for a meeting at Silva’s home in Curitiba at a later date.

We’ll have more on this story as it develops.

I’m pissed I didn’t think of it myself.

From Cage Writer:

“Mir is a [expletive] idiot! I have never heard something so unprofessional and idiotic in my life,” told Carmichael Dave of KHTK in Sacramento.

Hm…really?

You fucking dumb bitch.  Fuck you, Loretta Hunt.

…and…

Typical fucking bullshit reporter.  Jake Rossen, go fuck yourself!

Not to mention the plethora of examples of him defacing his own contracted talent.  This isn’t a case of pot meeting kettle.  This is pot meeting pot.

What’s a man to do when he gets tapped on the shoulder following the defeat of his college football club?  Well, punch the offender in the face, of course.

Good technique that almost reminds me of the Ali/Silva anchor punch.  Full extension of the arm, turns the hand over, lands flush on the chin.  Only thing that kept the kid from getting KO’d was Blount going backwards.

Need a reason to drink?  No?  Well, you want to convince some bar skanks to get drunk enough to go home with you?  Yeah?  All right, then.  Find a bar playing UFC 102, find some beer loving heffers, and give them this list.  Hell, you can even start making up shit on your own after the first fight or two.

Take a drink…

…if Leben’s positive steroid test is mentioned.
…if Randy is described as “mauling” Nogueira.
…every time Couture’s described as a 5 time champion.
…every time Nogueira’s Pride/UFC title accomplishment is mentioned.
…if Joe says, “That’s a wrap!”
…if Maia’s BJJ is described as “being on another level.”
…every time Marquardt’s piledriver is shown.
…every utterance of “awkward” and “unorthodox.”
…every utterance of “impose his/your will.”

Finish your drink…

…if Joe calls Randy his hero.
…if Randy submits Nogueira.
…if Nogueira knocks out Randy.
…if Fedor gets his named dropped.

Not much of a surprise to see a local reporter churn out the usual UFC-hate piece with the company entering a new market this Saturday.  Dan Canzano of the Oregonian penned the latest beauty.  It’s your standard affair, though Canzano offers this little anecdote that tickles my fancy:

My early experiences with mixed martial arts weren’t good ones. Admittedly, it tainted me. I came to this sport early, and remember sitting ringside at a Native American casino in California years ago, watching a mob of fans cry for blood. And there was lots of it on the canvas.

During that event, more than a decade ago, one of the fighters competing on the undercard canceled. And so the ring announcer grabbed a microphone and asked if there was anyone in the house that wanted to fight.

A guy stepped forward, and proceeded to get his face battered, and eventually, he vomited in the center of the octagon. I interviewed him after the bout and he apologized and blamed his 0-1 career start on bad luck.

Well, Dan, I’m sure glad your entire view of the sport is shaped by one instance in a rinky dink promotion in some backwards California Indian casino.  Because that really highlights how Dana White, the UFC, and the rest of legitimate MMA organizations are run.

I mean, fuck.  Would you introduce someone to basketball by going down to your local inner-city playground?  Would you bring teach someone the intricacies of professional football by digging out tapes of the XFL?

It’s amazing that sports journalists get where they are when the majority of them lack the ability to utilize logic and critical reasoning.  Absolutely mindblowing.

If you’ve caught Shaq Vs., you’ve probably noticed a familiar voice.  Yeah, that’s titular love Mike Goldberg calling the Shaq action.  Same dumb inflection, same dumb voice, same dumb comments.  Even throws in a “IT IS ALL OVER” in there for you sheep.

If you haven’t gotten enough Goldberg lately, my friend informs me he will be calling the Arizona/Green Bay preseason game this week.  Yippie!