First Ever Interactive “Please Submit a Better Caption Than Mine” Contest

By Tyler Clemmons | July 12, 2010

Call this an experiment if you like.  Either way, it is an attempt to generate interest and interaction without completely trolling the site for which I write.

A little background if you like:  this past weekend I was working at a local MMA show (Cage Warrior Combat “Fight Night at Limelight” to be specific) here in Nashville.  Advertised to make an appearance was Wanderlei Silva.  From my past experiences I chose to take that advertisement in a “believe it when I see it” fashion.  To their credit, the Axe Murderer definitely showed up, and even delivered a speech in the cage that I wish I had videotaped, due to the incredibly awesome combination of a lacking sound system and Silva’s unique Portugenglish language.

Here’s a snapshot of Wandy with one of the ring girls.

Amidst the economic recession, the thriving Wanderlei Industries eyeballs an opportunity to grab more of the available market.

Comments or email are fine.  Our beloved monsters… enjoy yourselves.

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What Dreams May Come

By Tyler Clemmons | June 27, 2010

All I am saying is, do not make the same mistake that I did.  Watching They Live and seeing Fedor Emelianenko get submitted by Fabricio Werdum with the triangle choke equivalent of Anne Hathaway all in one night while half-asleep can make you have some crazy dreams.

Waking up thinking that somehow Roddy Piper had a hand in Fedor’s loss, or that maybe Werdum had a magic pair of sunglasses — it don’t make the world work.

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Strikeforce: Kings of Media

By Tyler Clemmons | June 23, 2010

Facebook ads strike yet again.  Who says that Strikeforce has done a poor job of marketing and advertising when it comes to their event taking place this Saturday?

There were more, but I think this is a large enough sample to display the greatness that is Strikeforce’s marketing department.  I will never doubt again, especially since they correctly pegged me as a ROCKY fan who likes to reminisce about the time that Ted DiBiase’s son choked me out.

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SAVE_ME.BBLU

By Tyler Clemmons | June 16, 2010

To avoid as much confusion as possible, title inspired by this set of promos from a time when professional wrestling was something I enjoyed more than MMA.  And at least for the five seconds I spent talking to him, Chris Jericho was a really cool dude.

Save me, Babalu.  For on this day you, Renato Sobral, my favorite fighter, have the opportunity to take this collection of 24 hours in a completely different direction from that of my favorite overall MMA personality du jour, Chael Sonnen.

Sonnen, citing legal issues, has removed himself from contention in the Oregon State House of Representatives election.  Granted, from what I have been told, his chances of victory as someone in his right mind a Republican in that district were about as thin as Kate Moss after a couple trips to the bathroom.  Still, this is a huge blow to me, with Sonnen being the only MMA fighter from which I have received an e-mail (any correspondences from my good friend John Lambert, amateur fighter, notwithstanding).

On the other hand, Sobral will be facing Robbie Lawler tonight on a card run by some half-pint promotion out of California.  The fight, taking place at a catchweight of 195 pounds (affectionately known as ‘Franklinweight’), will determine the #1 contender for either their middleweight (if Lawler wins) or light heavyweight (if Babalu wins) title.  Side note: after August 7, they are changing the name of their middleweight title to the 185-Pound, Non-Chael Sonnen Division Champion.

So do it, Babalu.  Please.  Go out there and annihilate this guy.  Never mind that I like Robbie Lawler too.  I know that since Strikeforce does not allow elbows on the ground that you cannot replicate the aggravated assault (not that that never happens in the Strikeforce cage after the fight) that you laid on David Heath in a perversely entertaining manner, but do something similar.  Put him out, put him to sleep, salvage this day.

Save me, Babalu.

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I’m Afraid to Say Yes

By Tyler Clemmons | June 6, 2010

Found on the sidebar of my Facebook page.

Brock Lesnar wins by default yet again.

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DUFFEE AM UNPLEASE WITH LAST SMASH

By Jamie Tysseling | June 3, 2010
GRARGH

DUFFEE SMASH PUNY DREADLOCK MAN

Sack Mike Goldberg is proud to begin a new series of post-fight observations from one of today’s most exciting young heavyweights, Todd “Pink Hulk” Duffee. Please keep checking back for more exciting, relevant, punctual, and professional commentary from us here at SMG.

Duffee no am want write column today. Duffee still upset over Whale-man smash Duffee before Duffee smash Whale-man. Duffee not sure where fight go wrong. Duffee smash. Duffee turn pink. Duffee smash more. Then Whale-man flail in ow from smash and flipper hit owie headspot, and Duffee feel tired. Duffee scared now. Duffee smash Whale-man so hard Duffee smash self. Not even Duffee headspot am strong enough for take Duffee smash. Duffee am screw.

Kid-man say Duffee am try too hard for smash, and Duffee must make Whale-man weak before Duffee smash. Whale-man no am Duffee, so Whale-man weak. It simple. Is Duffee or weak. Kid-man no understand what like to be Duffee. Duffee no need to mix up Whale-man, why mix when smash? Duffee confuse.

No am worry. Duffee smash next time. Duffee smash after that. Duffee smash Swordpeepeeman, and Stalker-man, and Science-man, and then DUFFEE SMASHEST ONE THERE IS. GRARGH!

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Bruce Buffer’s Map of New Mexico

By Tyler Clemmons | May 31, 2010

In one of the free prelim fights on Spike TV before UFC 114 (or, as my girlfriend christened it, Shaq vs. Cuba Gooding Jr), my favorite spastic, over-excited cage announcer (is that what we call it?) Bruce Buffer made what some people might think to be a geographical mistake whilst introducing Efrain Escudero.

Buffer stated that Escudero was fighting out of “Tempe, New Mexico.”  But before you jump all over him, please understand the circumstances.  What you see above is Buffer’s map of New Mexico that he had as a child.  In a recent interview with The Mirror (and by that I mean his bathroom mirror, not the British publication), Buffer had this to say about that map:

“My mother gave me an atlas she bought at the dollar store when I was probably six or seven years old.  Honestly, it is the fondest memory of my childhood, as it helps me learned two very important things about ring announcing.  First, Tempe is clearly in New Mexico.  There was even a line drawn through Tempe on the page for Arizona.  Secondly — and this is a big one, it was printed in big bold letters in the atlas — when it got to the foreign countries section, it said ‘It is not even remotely important to learn how to correctly pronounce these words and the various subtleties of their language.’  Looking back on it, it was pretty intense and verbose for a child’s book of maps.”

So Don’t Blame The Buffer, another important lesson from this past weekend’s event (others include ‘Don’t Expect A Nogueira To Win Handily’ and ‘Never Bet Against A Fat Guy Who Can Take A Punch’).

Read More »

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UFC Undisputed 2010 Review — Three-Word Edition

By Tyler Clemmons | May 26, 2010

A more in-depth review of the game coming soon to a Sack Mike Goldberg near you.

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Shine Fights: Worlds Collide Live Results and Commentary

By Jamie Tysseling | May 16, 2010

Whoops?

That’s everything for tonight! Thanks very much for joining us for tonight’s fights. Come back for more in-depth analysis of the thrilling Mayorga-Thomas fight!

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Strikeforce: Heavy Artillery News — Alistair Overeem Still a Better Fighter Than Your Tire Mechanic

By Tyler Clemmons | May 15, 2010

Strikeforce Heavyweight Champion Alistair Overeem delivers one of many punches in a frighteningly one-sided affair.

And if a picture is worth a thousand words, here is part two of my 2,000 word essay on how Alistair Overeem dominated Brett Rogers in the nastiest beating delivered to a Midwesterner since SMG founder Mike Fagan’s first day in jiu-jitsu class:

It is amazing how hard it is to make a joke about something that is already blatantly ridiculous.

In other news from Strikeforce: Heavy Artillery, fighters with the name Gracie still possess an uncanny ability to underwhelm (Roger Gracie in this instance), Andrei Arlovski still loses fights, and Ronaldo ‘Jacare’ Souza still has trouble when he does not win by “foregone conclusion” submission.

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